God's Own Keeper

I was there from the moment of the Big Bang to the present day; perched right on the Big Guy’s shoulder, whispering in his ear of what should go where, who was good and bad and… which place should go where.

Yep, even when this tiny little speck in the universe was nothing but a revolving, molten rock of crap; I was there watching on with him. 

And he was so fucking proud of this thing… this third rock from the Sun… this Paradise – he aptly named it.  This Earth.

There has been others he has tried to make perfect – and they have been absolute failures.  You imperfect Humans are finding them dotted all over the place – all too hot, or too cold – lost in their own piece of Hell, revolving around a sun. 

One is too big and too close to its sun.  Another is too far away from its sun and too small – so is too cold.  However, I gotta say, the Big Boy got this here little place right!

But I didn’t expect you Humans to be such assholes once you got your greedy little hands on it. 

What?

Excuse me?  You’ve got a nerve calling me such names… I’m just telling you the truth.  After all, you need it.

Your creator of all things great gave you a home and you’ve done your best to destroy not only it, but yourselves.

Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?  No?  Okay… we were created as protectors – warriors – to watch over your sorry asses, and we have lived amongst you for centuries on your planet without your knowledge and yet, some of you seem to think we either don’t exist, or you’re so big on us existing, you have us all wrong completely.

Besides, we are God’s Keepers really… we protect him from you, and that’s the reality of it all.  You’re nothing but grabby little parasites and you Humans don’t have any idea how to back off and leave him alone.  Yes, yes, I know he’s the Almighty Creator, but really, do you have to step past us, and lavish all the praise on him?

It’s not jealousy… no it’s not.

Really, I don’t think it is…

He’s been so busy with so many things lately that I don’t think he can see just one of you; well not today.  Well, not ever really.  Why do you ask?  Oh of course, you have just one question (which normally turns into more than that).  I’m sorry but you just can’t see him.  No, I insist you can’t… because … because… well dammit he’s not here!

He left us… he’s gone!

Heaven’s empty and I’m his Keeper and I don’t even know where he is… you happy now?  I don’t know where God is and he left because of you.

Hey, look, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t lay the blame on you.

It’s not your fault.  I don’t know whose fault it is; really I don’t.  But he just got tired of looking over a place he had given to you all out of the goodness of his heart for you to care for… and just look at what you’ve done to it!

War.

Famine.

Hatred.

Lust.

Ego.

Destruction.

You know, I could just smite you all and start again… yes, you heard me, an Apocalypse would do you all wonders.  No, not a zombie or vampire or any other damned mythical crap thing you’ve made up in your tiny little minds, I mean I real Apocalypse, one none of you would ever survive!

After all this is all just an experiment.

The third – or was it the fourth – place God has tried out to make it work for him.

And just look at you all… still thinking within the confines of your tiny little minds; instead of taking hold of what He gave you – intuition, your mind power, your ‘gut feeling’.  Yes all of that is damned well real you know – not just crap you seemed to think is made up.

Some of you have some real power under your belts… some scary as shit power.  But none of you use it.  You’re scared little children who have no clue exactly how much power he’d bestowed upon you.  And when you do figure out that you have some power within you, what do you do?  You become some greedy puss-sucking pond scum, with your hand out, all ready and wanting more and more…

…more power and more money.

I ought to…

Oh, Sir, you’re back. 

I.. yes, things are completely under control.  I’ve just been answering some of your prayers of your people while you’ve been out.

Pardon?  Oh… they’re not scared, they’re in awe of you.  Hehee… complete awe…

…aren’t you, Humans?

Why are they terrified?  Um… well,  I think it’s because I might have been a little impatient with them.  I’m sorry, Sir.  It most certainly will not happen again – honest.

But Sir, please… I know I did this before… but that was over two millennia ago.  These Humans now don’t know that – not until you mentioned it.

I beg of you, take mercy on me… I am your Keeper… please, Sir.  Where are you going to send me, if not Earth?

Michael?  What are you doing here?