Friday, 31 January 2014

Adam & Eve

I’m a creator.

You could call me a bar tender, but really, I’m a creator.

After you and your buddies piss off home after closing, I sit around with Smithie there and we dream up new cocktails and drinks to try out on you unsuspecting idiots.

Sometimes they work and you have a great time, while other times they don’t and you’re sick as a dog that night.

Or you cause a huge fight.

Or worse still, your friends cart you off home because you’ve passed out in the toilets.

But tonight, we cooked a great brew. 

It was pure.

Unadulterated, and sexy.

Rude in every single way possible.

Knocked us both off our feet after two martini glass-fulls, and yet we still had a full shaker of the shit left.

We called it Adam & Eve.

Adam & Eve was made from Bourbon, a shot of Southern Dragon’s Tear’s (these are rare an expensive), a sage leaf, ground up apple seeds, nutmeg and – to make it look naughty – a cherry on a toothpick.  Yep, Smithie and I had a great time trying to finish off Adam & Eve; but something strange happened after our first drink.

Something weird.

The place changed – and not in a good way.

The huge speakers by the stage turned into Hell Hounds.  They were huge, black, salivating and clawing at the ground to get to our souls.  Smithie stood up too quickly and knocked over his bar stool and he kept his eyes glued to the speaker. 

“Hey, mate, it’s not real.” I reminded him.

“Like fuck it’s not!” he slurred.

Leaning across the bar, I slapped his face hard and he stared at me, then back at the stage where the large speaker was itself again, “There see, Smithie, it’s a speaker, not a Hell Hound.”

“I think it’s time to go home.” He frowned, “That drink was too fuckin’ weird for me.”

I nodded, “Yeah, don’t we both know it?”

We tossed out the rest of the first lot of Adam & Eve we made, locked up the club and walked out to the car park as the sunrise was just starting to break over the sky.  I loved this time of the day normally… but today, I saw demons filling every shadow.

Exactly what did I put in that drink that had put me on edge?  Turning, I was about to ask Smithie, but he was in the nearest garden being attacked by a Hell Hound – the same one that was eying him off in the club!

“Je-zuz!  You guys were real?”

“Of course they were.” A voice said behind me, “Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Adam… and this…” he turned to his right as a woman stepped out of the darkness, “…is Eve.”

“But I created a drink.” I said, “I didn’t summon you guys.”

“You created the first drink of its kind… something biblical.” He smiled, “You put biblical ingredients into it, so you summoned us into existence.”

“And you called it by our names.” Eve stepped toward me, “How sweet.”

I stepped back, “What do you want.”

Adam looked around, “Well, you called us… the Hell Hounds have taken the first sacrifice.  To keep your end of the deal up, and everyone happy, we need more.”

“Sacrifice… deal?” I had no idea what they were on about.

“Of course.  You struck a deal with us; keep your end of the deal and your little place will prosper.” Adam smiled.

“Fail us, and it will rot.” Eve’s smug face stepped closer.

“No business is worth that.”

He put his arm around my shoulders, “Not even if it means losing your soul over?”

Three months have passed.

Nobody visits my place anymore and I’m still trying to create the perfect drink... it’s the drink to send those two bastards back to where they came from.

I pray to God.

I have tried to talk to the Angels to help me.

Nobody answers my calls.

Smithie is a servant of theirs now, and he doesn’t seem to be anything but a brainless zombie who I can’t kill no matter how much I try.  And now, it’s time to pull out the last resort I’ve got:  the Glock.  It’s loaded.  I lodge it under my jaw as tears course down my cheeks…

My eyes snap open and I’m on the floor behind the bar.


Adam’s kneeling over me with the gun in his hand grinning ridiculously, “You didn’t think you’d be let go that easily – did you?” he helped me to my feet as he placed the weapon on the bar, “After all we have your soul, so you can’t do away with yourself… we will just keep on bringing you back.”

“You suck.” I spat.

“Aaw, don’t be mad at us.  Just bring us a sacrifice.” Eve smiled sitting at a table.

Then, it dawned on me.  I walked around the bar, to her table where she was sitting.

Faster than she could react, I pulled the silver knife I had hidden inside my jacket and drove it into her heart, “You want a sacrifice, you’ve got one!”

“No!” I sat up and looked around.

“Hey dude… that drink gave me hallucinations like you wouldn’t believe!” Smithie said to me from across the bar, “How about you?”

“Let’s not make it again… can we forget we ever made it?”

He leaned over and tipped his share of the cocktail into the sink next to me, “No problems.”

“And can I stay at your place tonight?”

“I was going to ask that of you… I got really spooked tonight.” He smiled, “but sure, come back to my place and we’ll drink lots of coffee and watch porn.”

“Dude, sounds like a plan.”

As we walked out into the breaking day, I turn at the sound of what I could only swear was the growling of a dog.  As we get to Smithie’s car, a guy and a girl approach us, “Hi… we’re Adam and Eve.  We’re new in town.”